This afternoon Marc went to order Bernadette’s monument for her grave and he dropped me off at the thrift store as I was deliberately avoiding the funeral home for fear I’d burst into tears. My goal at the thrift store was to do something more cheerful – find some more noisy toys to keep Zoe occupied as she’s become quite apt at making the house look like a hurricane hit it. As I was rummaging through the toy section I came across some of Bernadette’s old toys that I’d donated a few weeks ago. It felt like someone sucker punched me in the stomach. I’ve been donating stuff there for years and never came across it afterwards, so it was such a surprise to see her toys there today. Not that the toys were overly precious to her in any way, but just seeing them there threw me for a loop. If she had been with me at the time it would have been a ‘oh look Bernadette, the toys you donated are here, way cool!’ reaction. But that’s not why they were there so they just served to remind me of Bernadette’s absence in our lives now. It probably hurt more than if I’d gone to the funeral home with Marc! esh
A while back my aunt Zita told me about the song “The hurt and the healer” from the group Mercy Me. At the time I listened to it and found it moving but I was so wrapped up in whatever was going on with Bernadette that I forgot about it, mostly because I didn’t have very much time in my office or at my computer to listen to it more than once. Just the other day she emailed again and mentioned it so today I looked it up again. I couldn’t get through it the first few times without crying because it hit home so powerfully. I’d been really struggling with prayer the last six weeks, not having any words other then ‘why?’ and any action other than tears. This song lifted me up a little and gave me a new prayer.
Perfect choice of lyrics for a broken heart, fractured and shattered dear friend. Be assured that the Father finds every last piece and restores your broken heart dear sister. I am with you in spirit and healing. Let the Lord’s breath fill you with peace and strength! Love to you!