Reality is sinking in slowly.


The mind is such an amazing thing, the way it can protect the body and the spirit in times of trauma.  When Bernadette first got sick and we told Catherine the truth of the situation she cried in my arms for a good twenty minutes or more.  It was heart breaking.  Then within minutes of Bernadette’s passing the same thing happened, she cried and cried and cried until she was exhausted.  She developed a red hives type rash that started right away that was extremely itchy and it scared her – mostly because Bernadette had a similar rash just before we found out how sick she actually was.  Catherine put two and two together and came up with a logical five.  But as time went on the rash subsided and now only shows up when she’s stressed or emotional.  It’s kind of a tell tail sign now for me to know that something is bothering her.  For the most part she seemed to be handling everything very well.  Almost too well.

Last night Catherine and Zoe were having fun fishing through the paper recycle box in my office and Catherine came across a piece of paper with Bernadette’s name on it.   Immediately she started to struggle and I watched her try with all her might to keep her emotions under control.  She shook her head and tried to keep herself from crying.  Knowing how important it is for her to deal with her feelings and emotions and the grief that she’s no doubt struggling with, I invited her to come to me, knowing full well it would expand the crack in the dam.  Sure enough, once she was in my arms the dam broke and the tears came in a powerful rush.   She cried until she was exhausted.  It was bedtime anyways, so when she was up to it she went to bed, only to have trouble sleeping because she had such a terrible tummy ache.  I tried to tell her sleep would cure it but she didn’t believe me.  She sat for a while in front of the toilet positive she was going to throw up.  Knowing full well what was bothering her tummy I offered to go get her an ice cream pail so she could go back to bed and have it as reassurance just in case she needed it.  Once back in bed she relaxed a little and was able to fall asleep.  This morning she was back to her normal self.

These moments will come again to be sure.   As hard as it is to watch Catherine go through such pain and suffering, at the same time it was a relief to know that she is dealing with her incredible loss as best as she knows how.  According to “Surviving the Loss of a Child”, her age group has the most difficult time with losing a friend or sibling and Catherine lost not only a sibling but her best friend.   Such a burden to deal with for such a young person, it’s hard enough for an adult!   But watching her, it seems that her mind only gives her as much as she can handle at that time and that’s amazing.  An incredible gift from God.  Now I just hope and pray that I’m open to His inspiration and ready to deal with the next time(s)  her dam breaks – with the love, tenderness and understanding that she needs so she can heal from her pain and grow to become the person God created her to be and not be crippled by her loss.  Oy!  And to have the wisdom to help the bigger kids too.  Thank goodness their grief tends to manifest itself a little further down the road.  It gives Marc and I time to heal a little so we’ll hopefully be able to be there for them when they will need us.


By The Kurz’s
You reminded me today that God only gives us as much as we can handle (child or adult). Catherine’s teaching you in her daily actions & emotions and doesn’t know she’s the teacher! Pretty neat!

By Cheryl Zimmer
Thinking of you and praying for you, as always. Love you lots

By Sarah, Henry and Simone
We lit a candle for Bernadette and your family this morning at church. We think of you often and pray for healing and comfort in your unimaginable grief.

We continue to wrap you all in blankets of prayer and love as you comfort each other in your loss of Bernadette. Your angel prays for you until one day you will all be reunited again, FOREVER!!!!!
Love Joan & Bob

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