Last night Catherine and Zoe were having fun fishing through the paper recycle box in my office and Catherine came across a piece of paper with Bernadette’s name on it. Immediately she started to struggle and I watched her try with all her might to keep her emotions under control. She shook her head and tried to keep herself from crying. Knowing how important it is for her to deal with her feelings and emotions and the grief that she’s no doubt struggling with, I invited her to come to me, knowing full well it would expand the crack in the dam. Sure enough, once she was in my arms the dam broke and the tears came in a powerful rush. She cried until she was exhausted. It was bedtime anyways, so when she was up to it she went to bed, only to have trouble sleeping because she had such a terrible tummy ache. I tried to tell her sleep would cure it but she didn’t believe me. She sat for a while in front of the toilet positive she was going to throw up. Knowing full well what was bothering her tummy I offered to go get her an ice cream pail so she could go back to bed and have it as reassurance just in case she needed it. Once back in bed she relaxed a little and was able to fall asleep. This morning she was back to her normal self.
These moments will come again to be sure. As hard as it is to watch Catherine go through such pain and suffering, at the same time it was a relief to know that she is dealing with her incredible loss as best as she knows how. According to “Surviving the Loss of a Child”, her age group has the most difficult time with losing a friend or sibling and Catherine lost not only a sibling but her best friend. Such a burden to deal with for such a young person, it’s hard enough for an adult! But watching her, it seems that her mind only gives her as much as she can handle at that time and that’s amazing. An incredible gift from God. Now I just hope and pray that I’m open to His inspiration and ready to deal with the next time(s) her dam breaks – with the love, tenderness and understanding that she needs so she can heal from her pain and grow to become the person God created her to be and not be crippled by her loss. Oy! And to have the wisdom to help the bigger kids too. Thank goodness their grief tends to manifest itself a little further down the road. It gives Marc and I time to heal a little so we’ll hopefully be able to be there for them when they will need us.
Love Joan & Bob