A Realization


This morning Marc and I had a rare moment where it was just the two of us and we talked about the last seven months and how we’re doing as individuals and as a couple.  The one thing that we discussed  was something that I’d noticed for a while now and that is how we as a couple handled the entire situation from the moment we found that Bernadette was sick until today.

The best way to describe it is that Bernadette’s illness literally knocked the fight right out of us.  Not to say that our marriage wasn’t strong or that we fought a lot, but that inner fight was gone.  That little voice in our heads that said, “I want… I want…” that we fight against daily.  For seven months and even to now that little voice has been silent or a faint unheard whisper.  Those things that use to be little battles of the wills are no longer important.  Marc summed it up nicely when he said “You don’t know what’s not important until you know what IS important.”   We’ve gained a new perspective on what is important and what isn’t and it’s very freeing.  Maybe we’re just tired and fried inside and don’t have the will or desire or energy to ‘fight’ with ourselves or each other, but I don’t think it’s that, at least not entirely.

For me I felt like over the last seven months Marc and I have lived ‘a glimpse through the glass darkly’ of what it must be like to live the relationship of the Trinity.  (Which is way cool since we were married on Trinity Sunday.)  And when I say that I mean with respect to the outpouring of love between the Father and the Son in total emptying of self for the other.  Marc was/is amazing in that he never once said, “What about me and what I want or need?”  I don’t even think the thought crossed his mind.  It was all about getting through and doing what needed to be done to make sure Bernadette knew she was loved and cared for and to keep the family together and functioning.   It was like we lived for each other like we’d never experienced before.  We looked out for each other and put each other first knowing with all confidence that the other was doing the same.  There wasn’t that hint of fear that the other was taking advantage or that we were giving more than we were receiving or that one was getting their way more than the other, if that makes any sense.  We didn’t have to think about ourselves because we knew we were well cared for and it gave us the freedom to be more than we normally could be.  For seven months it has been like we are one and not two struggling to be one.  In a way I could say we almost (it is always almost) reached, for a brief time, that ideal (my ideal) of what God intended marriage to be – a sign pointing to the Trinity.

As we each continue to struggle with the deep sadness that wrenches our hearts every day, if there is one thing I hope we can hang on to it is that experience of really being one as the Trinity is One.


By Terry Mae Sinclair
Beautiful…. 🙂

By Danielle O’Neill
Patti, you and Marc are so blessed and such an example to couples and parents (and others). I pray that you continue to inspire by your words and your lessons to those of us who are so privileged to know and love you.

By Mariane Armstrong 
That is BEAUTIFUL. Thank you for that linking of the daily and the divine in the context of marriage. You continue to be a beacon of light to us all. I am so grateful for your insights – today and always

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *